Change Does Not Mean Becoming Someone Else

Change Does Not Mean Becoming Someone Else

I have changed many times in my life. Or, better, life has changed me. When it comes to personal change, there is often a deep-seated resistance. ‘I am who I am; I cannot change.’ Or: ‘But if I change, will I still be me?’ These statements often mask a profound fear – the fear of losing one’s identity, of betraying oneself, of becoming someone else.

But change is not a betrayal of oneself. On the contrary, it is an act of fidelity to our deepest essence. It is not about erasing who we were but about expanding who we can become. It is not a leap into the void but a journey toward a more authentic version of ourselves.

The Myth of a Fixed Identity

Our culture often celebrates consistency as an absolute virtue. ‘Stay true to yourself’ is a mantra repeated in many forms. But what does it really mean? If being true to oneself means remaining static, then every experience, every lesson learned, every challenge overcome would be in vain.

According to psychologist Carl Rogers (1961), the true self is a process, not a fixed state. Personal growth does not require becoming someone else but rather allowing our authentic essence to emerge. It is a process that requires flexibility and openness, two qualities that, paradoxically, make us more stable.

Change Is About Unveiling

Change does not mean becoming someone else but shedding the layers that hide our true nature. It is a process of unveiling. Like when an ancient painting is restored – you are not creating a new work, but rather removing the grime to let the original colors shine through.

Sometimes, out of fear of change, we remain stuck in roles or habits that no longer fit us. Like a piece of clothing that once fit but now constricts and stifles us. Change means having the courage to take off that old garment and find one that fits better.

Artificial Intelligence and Change

AI also offers an interesting metaphor for change. When we interact with artificial intelligence, it does not become something different but adapts, learns, evolves. It remains AI but improves its responses, refines its ability to understand and interact. Similarly, we, as human beings, can maintain our core essence while adapting and growing.

A study by Park and Huang (2020) showed that even AI systems based on machine learning could manifest a sort of ‘personal’ adaptation, responding more accurately and empathetically as they are exposed to deeper human interactions. This aligns with the concept of ‘self-actualization’ by Maslow (1968), which suggests that change is not a movement toward something foreign but rather a return to our most authentic essence.

In the realm of AI, change is not about creating a different entity but refining what already exists. Systems like GPT-4, for example, learn from each interaction, adapting their responses not to become a different AI but to become a better version of themselves. This mirrors the human process of growth – where every experience, positive or negative, contributes to a fuller, more nuanced self.

How to Embrace Change

Here are some suggestions for experiencing change as an act of authenticity rather than a loss of self:

1. Embrace Vulnerability: Change often brings a feeling of exposure. This is normal. Being vulnerable is the first step toward authentic transformation.
2. Ask Who You Want to Become: Not who you should be according to others, but who you genuinely feel you can be.
3. Small Steps, Big Changes: There is no need to overhaul everything. Even a small daily choice can create a significant impact over time.
4. Seek Support: Whether through reading, therapy, a course, or even an app like Monkey Mind Life, finding tools to guide you through change can make a big difference.

Conclusion

Change does not mean losing yourself but finding yourself. Every time we choose to evolve, we honor our deepest essence. And perhaps, in that process of transformation, we discover parts of ourselves that were just waiting to be set free.

If this topic resonates with you, in my book The Session: The AI Meets the Therapist, I explore the relationship between change, authenticity, and the role of artificial intelligence in guiding us toward greater awareness.

What has been the most authentic change you’ve experienced? Share your thoughts in the comments!